Protect (t)his House: Resource list for parents

Here is a list that was compiled by one of our preaching team members, These sites are to be used to challenge and engage your mind as you talk with your child about sex, purity, relationships, coodies….

If you have a “Go To” site that will help other parents that is not listed below please comment below with the link!

(Copy and Paste the links into your browser)

1. This link is about the Biblical guidelines for dating:

2. This link is about a small group curriculum and powerful movement (The testimony videos are AWESOME):

3. Some more guidelines for dating:

4. A heart felt post about purity from the perspective of a youth pastor:

5. This is a drama… about purity… I dare you parents to do this for your kids and video tape it… (and go through the questions together (not video taped) if you video tape it and send it to me… your kid will go to one event for free this year…

6. This will help you develop your theology (Though process) for Purity:

7. This is a “No holds-bar” document that gives biblical responses to almost everything surrounding this topic:

8: This offers 10 great ways to practice purity and would be a great list to run down with your kids!

9: Stop by the Family Resource Center in the Fellowship Mall at The Wesleyan Church of Hamburg to see other parenting resources.



He Made It To Three… Must Be Doing SOMETHING Right….

Saturday, February 16th my beautiful wife and best friend Grace celebrated the life of our now three year old Joel… This glorious day got me thinking… What are three of the most important things I have taught him over his short little life thus far… Whelp, here goes:

#1. My Daddy and Mommy Love Me:

This is a phrase that I have him repeat back to me when he has been punished, when we are playing trucks or just whenever I feel necessary…I do this BECAUSE: I don’t want Joel EVER to think even for ONE MOMENT that he is not loved… For better or worse one day Joel is going to hear that GOD is like a LOVING FATHER…When Joel hears this, I want him to be able to have a visual of what that looks like. I believe it is my job to make this illustration be the best it can be. This doesn’t mean that I allow him to do whatever he wants, no Love is correcting when he needs to be corrected and celebrating when he does what is asked. I can only imagine how his little life will impact the world because he no matter what happens “My Daddy and Mommy Love Me”….

#2. Daddy Date Time:

This is something we do, once a week I am very intentional with this. We go every week to Tim Horton’s (Because that’s where Fathers take their kids when they love them). We eat donuts and we make plans for what we will do next. He looks forward to those times and so do I!!! Here is what I hope to teach him through this activity…. We must be intentional in spending time with those we love the most… When He grows up, Joel will know (Because every week we take a picture) that his father made time every week to show him that he was VERY IMPORTANT.

#3. Apologizing Brings Freedom:

Lately, Joel will do something like, push his sister or blatantly disobey instructions. When he realizes what he has done he will often begin to pout and go into his room and sit on his bed. He doesn’t necessarily cry but he does have a look on his face that says the sky is falling. I have been trying to teach him that rather than running to his room after he has made a mistake, rather than moping around and pouting in his room, he needs to apologize for what he has done. I am trying to coach him that its not the moping and the pouting that will change the feelings of regret and shame, the healing begins with a simple apology. I am trying to coach Joel to realize that the sooner he apologizes the sooner he is free from guilt and shame. If he learns this now, nothing will ever stand in his way he will be a humble and confident man. There is nothing more humbling than saying “I am Sorry” there is nothing more freeing that a heart felt apology!

Well there you have it… Three for Three…. There are many more things I have hopefully taught him but these are the BIG THREE that came to mind when I wrote this and they are also the most consistent.

Do you have things you are intentional about teaching your children?

Lies… (Exposing the truth from the relationship lies of our culture) #Part 2

Hey Parents!

I realize this topic of sex and purity is a delicate one and for that reason I have created this post to help you understand what I am sharing, in hopes that together we can partner together to protect our kids from the incredible temptations that are presented to them every day. – Pastor Tom

2nd LIE… “It’s Just Sex”

TRUTH: Purity is a Gift and Purity is to be protected

Things People Never say…

“Its just cancer”
“Its just a billion dollars”
“Its just a scratch on my new car”
“Its just my first child… I have two more”
“Its just a flesh wound” *Ok that one I have heard before 🙂

People don’t say those things because: Each of those examples carries with it incredible VALUE. We protect things with VALUE. Which is the same for our purity, we protect it because it is VALUABLE.

Exposing the Lie: Its not just sex because sex is emotionally connected to your heart and your HEART IS VALUABLE (Proverbs 4:23)

Our purity is our gift from God designed for the person we will stand at the alter and join lives with in Marriage. (Genesis 2:24)  What type of heart do you want to present to your future spouse? We must get on the offensive and protect ourselves from all of the sexual temptations that exist in our culture.

God’s View Of Purity: God wants the best for us in every area and sexual purity is no exception. His plans are better than our own plans.

1 Timothy 4:12

Don’t let anyone think less of you because you are young. Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity. 

Psalms 119:9 

How can a young person stay pure? By obeying your word.

1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 

God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin.  Then each of you will control his own body and live in holiness and honor—  not in lustful passion like the pagans who do not know God and his ways.

For the message I will be preaching from 2 Samuel 11 (Most likely summarizing it) and will look at Davids sin with Bathsheba and how we can learn to be proactive in Protecting our Purity because it is VALUABLE.


How To Be Proactive In Protecting Yourself From Sexual Temptation: 

1. Talk It Out.

*** Communicate with your parents about sexual questions, If you cant talk with your parents choose a TRUSTED adult. Another middle school student and the internet should NOT be your sounding board for this HUGE questions***

2. Go To Bed.

***Most sexual temptations begin with staying up late when your tired and your defenses are low, Go to bed and if you cant sleep read a PAPER book***

3. Say No NOW.

***Most sexual temptations don’t just jump out at you, it works in layers where if you don’t resist the temptation the temptation only grows and before you know it, you have crossed a line you never intended to cross(Porn & Relationally)****


Living life like God loves YOU: YOU WONT FALL INTO THESE LIES: 

YOU will know what REAL LOVE IS

YOU will know your GOD GIVEN VALUE


God has given us our sexual purity as a gift and we are to protect it. When we are married we will present our gift of purity. We want to present them with our gift in its original beauty.  This is possibly by choosing resist sexual temptation and refusing to be in anyway sexually active.


Parents I hope this will help you think about how to prepare your sons and daughters for dating. If you want to sit in while we are having this talk you are invited!
The dates are February 12th & 17th.
If you would like to talk with me about how to set up relational & purity boundaries I would be more than willing to sit down with you and help you. Also, our next Equipping Weekend here at the Wesleyan Church of Hamburg (March 22-23rd) We will be hosting a seminar about Helping Your Middle Schooler to Make Wise Choices. Be on the look out for more information about that!

Sticking It To Your Teen *Updated*

As a youth pastor I believe one of the biggest issue facing the parent and teenager relationship is communication. More specifically a lack of communication coming from parents. It is said that advertisers communicate messages to our students anywhere from 500-1000 times a day. One study I looked at from said that one in three kids between 12-17 years old send over 100 text messages a day. Looking at these numbers I believe one thing stands out. Our teenagers are communicating, or at least being communicated to ALOT.

With hundreds, maybe thousands, of messages being communicated to and at our teenagers every day, I believe as parents this should cause us to think about what we are communicating to our children. What messages are they hearing from us about their identity, belonging, support of the family, self worth, empathy, faith and love? These topics may seem heavy to some and daunting for parents who feel they don’t know how to communicate or where to start with their teenagers. The reality is that these conversations don’t have some fool proof formula or someone selling a sham-wow-like solution to communicating with your teenager. The reality is if the parent and teen communications have broken down it will take many awkward attempts at conversation. Also required will be be time; time with your teen. Invite them to join with you and share your life with them. At the least it will keep them from playing video games.

Sometimes we need a kickstart, something to help us begin conversation that will lead to more communication. One of the best ways I remember this happening when I was a teenager was with sticky notes or just a simple handwritten note. Below I have created a fun little activity that I believe will help you as a parent kickstart the conversation between you and your teenager. If you are a parent who has a great relationship with your teen and you’re communicating in a way that would make Dr. Phil proud, this activity will only serve to strengthen your relationship and add lasting value to their very being.

As I bring this in for a closing I want to give you my personal secret for relational success. On any given middle school event we could have anywhere between 70-200 students in our building. I am someone who believes in relational ministry; that God has put these students in our lives to have a Christ Centered relationship that points people toward His Hope. Communication is a big deal to help as many students as possible feel like they belong. I like to think of beginning those relationships as building on Common Ground. The more ground you have the more you can build. I believe this is the same idea when it comes to parenting and beginning to build back communication that has been lost. Common Ground as simple as “Your upset at me, I get that, I remember when I used to be upset with my parents” but “I remember when we started talking again, I wished we never stopped”. In building Common Ground the goal is that your teenager knows that you are listening to them and that they are a valuable part of your family.

As we have all survived the ending of the Mayans calendar, I pray that we would use this year to focus on our communication between people in our “God given small group” – our family. Maybe you have read this and you don’t have teenagers anymore, I would invite you to call or meet with someone who does and encourage them as they are leading and guiding their children through this world of communication.

Stick It To Your Teenager Activity:
– A Sharpie
– A Stack Of Sticky Notes

What to do:
While your teenager is out of the house, take the supplies mentioned and go to the bathroom your child uses the most…
Fill the mirror with positive words speaking Gods Truth into them and how beautiful they are and how much you value them as apart of your family!!!

Possible Verses:
Psalms 139:13-14
Proverbs 29:25
Galations 1:10